Critiquing Conversion and Moving Toward the Light
Why it is Better to Focus on God than Our Own Conversion Experience
(This was originally written on April 25th, 2022.)
I wanted to write a little bit about conversion and regeneration. This is partly because this is the topic I will be giving a short speech on for the final assignment I have in theology. I have made a video on this, but I may not post it for the next couple of weeks due to other things which I want to release. I may get some heat for this post. I am not trying to be pretentious here, so let me know what you think if you disagree (or agree).
In Christianity, there is an impulse we have to focus on conversion. This is not a bad thing, seeing that it goes back to one of the very early Christians, the apostle Paul. However, in modern neo-evangelical circles, the focus on conversion at times seems a bit over-emphasized and a little misguided. We seem to focus so much on conversion that we miss other important aspects of the Christian life. We talk as though one can instantly “commit my life to Christ” and that such a decision is fully mature and understood at the moment of its first utterance. What does it mean to “commit to Christ”? This is an essential question. I wish, in this rough draft, to show why there may be something else more pressing to attend to.
The first thing which must be understood is that we can’t give anything to God. God is the basis for all of reality. He is grounding for everything which exists. Because of this, He is also the basis and grounding for all of our decisions. We are wholly dependent on God. This, of course, can be confusing at times, especially if one wishes to maintain an idea of free will (as I wish to). Even so, I think it is fundamental to who God is and who we are.
Along with this, we must, if we are to be converted, realize that we ourselves need to change, not just our sin. We must see our very selves as sinful, not just our actions. The man with an alcohol addiction needs to not stop drinking, exactly: he not only needs to see that his drunkenness is wrong, but that his very being is wrong. Taking away the drunkenness doesn’t change his very self.
Realizing these two things are the first steps to what I am proposing is “conversion.” We must first realize our total dependence on God while also seeing the complete unrighteousness of ourselves. Once we do this, we can begin to pretend that we are God's sons. I don’t mean this in a silly manner, as if we were just saying that we can now make up an untrue story about our following God. Rather, what we can and should attempt to do at this point is to pretend to be God’s sons in our actions. We begin to act as if we are God’s sons. We act as if we are little Christs.
While doing this, we will begin to see our complete reliance on God more and more. We will also see our sin more and more. It is only by going further and closer to God by our actions that we can begin to more fully realize those things which we had glimpses of before. When we do this, we move closer and closer to the Light. We focus more and more on the Light. This pretending soon becomes actuality.
It is once the actuality begins to manifest that we can start to be “converted.” We start to see who God truly is and who we truly are. After we do this for a while (or maybe no time at all, I’m not sure), then we start to realize that we must die to ourselves. We must die to who we once were. We must throw off that old sinful self and become and new person “in Christ”. We realize that it is truly God on who we rest--on who we live. This is a hard thing. It requires our death. It requires our crucifixion. It is in this way, little by little, bit by bit, that we can realize what is meant when it is said “it is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me.” Christ comes to live in us and rule us.
To conclude, suggest here that there is perhaps no place at which one turns and finds themself a Christian. I mean not, either, that this process I describe here cannot happen all at once for some. What I do think, though, is that to “commit to Christ” is an act that requires an increasing knowledge of God and ourselves. That we do, indeed, become “more Christian” or, dare I say, “more saved” as time goes on. We die more and more to ourselves, and, in this way, are continually converted. Of course, there is a place at which one is either “in” or “out”. Despite this, I will not pretend to know when this is. Nor do I think we should worry about it. What should concern us is to be more like Christ. We should want to look at the Light more and more. We should begin to Love more and more. We should, I propose, stop looking back at when “I was saved” and instead turn our gaze to Him. I do believe that that is what He would want and that that is what would bring Him the most glory.
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